Don't Call Me Sweetie
Cook4U67 has a chocolate lab (Ginger) and two tuxedo cats (Roy and Dale) and is wearing a chef's coat in his profile picture so of course I wrote back when he messaged me "Hi there, happy Sunday, I would love to dance with you!"
(In my dating profile, under the subsection You should message me if..., among other things I've ordered "You'll dance with me even if you think you're bad at it, even if your friends are watching, even if the band sucks.")
On the same day, OnBelay opened a chat with me that started "are you really fluent in Spanish, or is that a hoax?" I paused to consider - Where had I claimed to be fluent in Spanish? - then remembered I listed it under languages I speak.
Should I reply with "Yes, I'm fluent - it's Kindergarten Spanish, but I'm fluent" or "Maybe not fluent, but I converse pretty easily when I get liquored up"?
Either way, OnBelay was sure to be disappointed. He's a professional translator and seems a tad stuffy with his three degrees and his birdwatching and his I do not have a TV... and I just can't shake this uneasy feeling I'm left with the implication of hoax.
So I put my energy into chatting with Cook4U. Our messages were brief and friendly, just a dash of flirting mixed in with the getting-to-know-you. Under You should message me if... he'd written "You are looking for an awesome laid back guy." He likes classic rock (which is maybe okay as long as it's not Rush or Steely Dan, further investigation needed) and he spends a lot of time thinking about quantum physics while trying to have the best day possible. He lives in Aurora, possibly the most godforsaken suburb of Denver I've ever had the misfortune of driving through during rush hour, but Aurora is close to where I work. I suggested we meet after school at a beer garden one day next week.
He responded: "Sweetie, that sounds wonderful."
I'm pretty sure one of the roughly 362 questions I've answered on the dating website is "How do you feel about terms of endearment?" to which I no doubt replied, "They are CHEESY."
Not even my mom, who gets away with calling me Sugar Pie and Debra Darling and (shudder) Dolly could get away with calling me Sweetie.
Dude! We've never met!
Call me Beautiful. Call me Gorgeous. (You wouldn't believe the mileage you'll get out of those two words.)
But ... don't ever call me Sweetie.
