OBG

Eve made the media’s bad girlfriend list. EVE, for heaven’s sake! I thought the only thing Eve and I had in common was a taste for apples. (Oh, God, how I do love an apple. If I was allowed to eat only one food for the rest of my life, apples would be that food. They have to be crunchy, sweet, and a little bit tart. Hey, that kind of describes me! But I digress.)

So Eve, it turns out, was the Original Bad Girlfriend because she talked to a serpent and ate an apple. (I like snakes, too. Wrap me up in a boa constrictor while feeding me a Granny Smith and I’ll die a happy woman.)

Trying to understand how Eve’s actions brought about the fall of man is for me like trying to see the picture in one of those Magic Eye paintings. Explain it to me again? Seeking food and wisdom makes one … a sinner? And sharing it with your boyfriend results in all of humanity suffering until the end of time? I'm not getting it.

For Eve to qualify as a bad girlfriend on my terms, it would've had to play out like this. Before she and Snake picked all of the apples and split on his HD Custom 48, she paused to leave Adam a note under the tree. "Sorry, Babe. Things were just a little too dull around here, and the writing was on the wall. Godspeed.

Eve."